A previous post talked about the importance of good eating support. The underlying point was this: If you want to be a healthy eater, you’ll get very little to no support from our food culture. But you’ll get plenty of support and even powerful encouragement to be an UN-healthy eater.
Hence the need for assembling your own network of supportive friends, family members, books, shows, podcasts and newsletters (like this one, hopefully!)
Since writing last month’s newsletter, however, one reader’s response made me question whether I missed one key player on your support team, i.e. YOU.
Carolyn’s Story When she emailed, Carolyn explained that she felt lucky because “my friend group all cooks (or eats) better than me!” Hoping to dig deeper, I followed up by asking whether her friends’ support was enough to keep her on a healthy eating track.
It turns out that one friend cooked a lot of dishes that she was unable to eat, one had a husband in the kitchen to help make healthy and really fantastic meals, and one made dishes that were too bland for Carolyn’s exotic tastes. She also got inspiration from a couple TV chefs but in the end, to get meals on the table that met her tastes and health needs, she had to “draw from many sources and ‘make it mine.’ ”
In other words, while external team members are very helpful, she was a critical part of her support team, too.
So what does it look like to be part of your own support team?
Inner Strength At first, I thought it was mostly a matter of digging deep into the source of inner strength that we all have. That pot of gumption is often just sitting around idly because we don’t often call on it. Giving it a kick in the you-know-what can certainly help spur that inner strength source to action on behalf of your eating goals.
But I was hesitant to end the story there because that much sounds a lot like relying on will power. And these days, experts are quick to point out the futility of relying on just will power because it can be such an energy drain, among other things.
The Inner “Feel Good” Option So this morning a new thought came to mind: In addition to revving up a little inner spine, what about finding and calling on our inner “feel good” source?
Because really, isn’t “feeling good” what all our healthy eating efforts are about? Sure we know eating well is good for our hearts, for longevity, to lose weight, to do what the doctor says, etc., etc.
- But bottom line, isn’t feeling good about ourselves what we really want?
- Don’t we really just want to like ourselves (maybe even love ourselves?!!)
- Don’t we yearn to feel competent in our ability to take good care of our bodies?
And wouldn’t it feel good to have a well-functioning body so we can walk on the face of this earth with pride and confidence, contribute our work to the world, interact with others in satisfying ways and feel self-delight instead of anxiety in the pits of our stomachs?
Ray’s Story This feel good thinking percolated up from a conversation with another friend yesterday. At the start of the year Ray voiced a strong desire to eat better and exercise more.
External support from family members—and this newsletter : ) !—have spurred his healthy eating efforts. Specifically, on a recent trip, his sisters prepared things like hummus pitas with lots of veggies that he found to be totally delicious and satisfying. “Why don’t I make things like this?” he wondered. And so he started doing so!
Things aren’t going as swimmingly on his exercise hopes. He totally understands the experts’ advice around exercise and has plenty of friends encouraging bike rides and daily walks. In fact, he has been in the bike industry for years and years!
Yet even though exercise would be hugely beneficial for his heart condition, he procrastinates and avoids it. Hence the ever-puzzling question: How can we know, intellectually, what’s best for us, but we don’t DO it?!!
Ray admitted his exercise avoidance was entirely irrational. But he also realized that it was yet another part of “a pattern of self-sabotage” that he’s faced over many years.” And at the root of that self-sabotage? A feeling that he “doesn’t deserve to feel that good,” i.e., that he’s not worthy of the time and effort to exercise and feel good.
Cooking for One Interestingly, for many years I heard the same sentiment from people living alone. When the conversation turned to healthy eating they would always excuse themselves, saying “Oh, I just cook for myself.” The unspoken assumption, of course, was that making a healthy meal wasn’t worthwhile with just one at the table.
The Wounded Kid As Ray explained, the feeling of “not enough-ness” came from the same wounded six year-old that has tried to block many of his hopes and dreams. Now it was back to block his good exercise intentions.
In New-Consciousness circles, past trauma is a huge topic, probably because we are all dragging around the exhausting weight of past stuff that keeps messing with our lives.
We probably all know how past troubles can cause problems in our current relationships, careers, finances and so on. But could they be responsible for problems with the way we eat? I’m guessing that food is assigned such a low value in our culture that we don’t believe it important enough to warrant deeper psychological thought!
Don’t worry. I’m not going to play psycho-therapist. I only tell this story because perhaps the good eating struggles you face are rooted in old issues of unworthiness.
Which is why I’m suggesting that YOU be a part of your support team and that you dig down, draw on and contribute your innate source of inner “feel good” to the effort.
Granted, it may take a little time. But maybe while chopping vegetables (?!!) try slowing down and exploring your inner landscape. See if you can tap into those deep, very human wants and desires for a vibrant, yummy, capable body to walk the face of this earth. Can you nurture some of those inner feel good sources into a formidable force to support healthier eating?
And don’t let some mouthy six-year old get in the way!
I’m already experimenting, let me know what you think and discover!
P.S. Remember there may be times it feels like YOU are the only one on your support team. But remember I’m always rooting for you–and I hope everyone can feel like our reader community is rooting for each other. That’s what a New Eating Culture is all about–creating a culture-wide support system!