Continuing the last post’s discussion about mealtime stress, several readers found that working around food restrictions really compounded mealtime stress levels. For instance, Pamela wrote:
I have a terrible time getting motivated to eat and create yummy dishes being that I live alone. I thought I would just invite friends over, but that isn’t working so well with everyone’s busy lives and fluctuating schedules. . . . And staying away from foods due to my personal digestive needs only makes the problem worse, and is part of the conundrum I face trying to be a healthier cook.
As if it’s not bad enough to face food restrictions yourself, many cooks also worry about how to cook meals that satisfy the unrestricted eaters at their tables. For instance, Janice was concerned that “I have to eat dairy free but I’d like to do so without others feeling like I deprived them of something or I’m not using real ingredients.”
I have a fair amount of experience in this area, having been in the first wave of gluten- and diary-free eaters, way back in the early 90s. Since then, I’ve had to add corn and sugar to my restricted list along with several other outliers like quinoa, mango and bananas. And all the while I have cooked for a family and countless other guests at the dinner table. So let me offer 3 Helpful Thoughts, 4 Simple Strategies and 1 Big Mindshift that have helped me–and I hope can help you, too.
3 Helpful Thoughts
First, I avoid dwelling on what I can’t eat. People often feel sorry for me when they hear about my food restrictions, but I say, “Don’t bother!” There are at least 1001 other foods I can combine into the most delightful meals. I don’t feel deprived at all (although I sometimes rue the fresh-baked bread at restaurants!)
Second, I have come to see good fortune in being kicked out of my wheat and dairy rut. For many years, that was practically all I ever ate! We are probably the luckiest culture in history, with ready access to foods from across the globe. Yet most of us never get to enjoy them. Wheat and dairy meals are so easy and familiar we just stick with them. When they must be eliminated from your diet, however, you are presented with the perfect opportunity to go on ac wildly interesting food adventure.
Finally, if you’re watching your weight, food restrictions can be a wonderful ally. At social events (that always seem to be centered around food, mostly unhealthful), I can easily steer clear of all the stuff that’s not helpful for weight maintenance, because I can’t eat it. And no one ever questions my choices once they learn that I have food allergies!
4 Simple Strategies: Refresh, Rename, Reform, and The Fallback Cheese Solution
Refresh Your Recipe Collection You are pretty certain to face culinary frustration and disappointment trying to make cheesy, creamy recipes without cheese or cream, e.g., Lasagna, Cheese Enchiladas, Burritos, Eggplant Parmesan, Creamy Clam Chowder. On the other hand, no one expects or misses cheese in Indian Curry or Pad Thai, and no one is yearning for creaminess in Japanese Miso Soup or Chinese Stir Fry. So make your life easier by refreshing your meal idea collection with recipes from the dairy-less cuisines.
Reform Dishes often rely on cheese, milk and cream for flavor. So when you’re dairy-free, you just need to find new ways to flavor food. Miso, tahini, tofu, butter (which often isn’t included in a dairy restriction) and even rice and instant mashed potatoes can be used to thicken and add dairy-free creaminess to dishes. The brine from olives and capers can substitute for the saltiness many cheeses (like Parmesan) add to a dish. And flavor rich mushrooms, onions, garlic and ginger, as well as herbs and spices can punch up flavor magnificently. See how these tricks can be used in the next post, which shares a recipe for Smoked Clam Linguini. While it’s hard to imagine a satisfying pasta dish without cheese or cream, this one will convince you it’s possible.
Rename As you learn to reform recipes, be sure to rename them. If you’ve discovered how to make a dairy-free, wheat-free lasagna, don’t get excited and proclaim to your family, “We’re having lasagna for dinner tonight!” They’ll come running with visions of the gooey, cheesy, creamy lasagna served at the local Italian diner. And it’s very likely they’ll pan your substitute. So find different names for your creations, e.g., “Spinach Pasta Casserole,” which is bland enough to keep expectations damped down so the dish is tasted and evaluated on its own merits.
The Fallback Cheese Solution Just because you are dairy-free doesn’t mean other household members can’t enjoy cream, cheese and milk. So if you can’t think of a dish that doesn’t require diary, and can’t reform the dairy out of it, then bring out the cheese and cream! Just add at the end, after removing your portion. Happily, these ingredients are usually best added after a dish is off-heat anyway. Should you feel the need to mix dairy into the dish (e.g., in a casserole), just divide into two separate casserole dishes–an easy way to meet everyone’s needs with minimal effort.
The Cheese Solution may be a hard one to deploy if you’re a cheese lover. But remember this hopeful fact: Our taste buds grow and change to appreciate and like the diet we adopt. Hard as it is to believe, cheese loses its allure after a while as you come to prefer the light, refreshing, vibrant and interesting taste of food that doesn’t just rely on cheese for flavor. Granted this takes some time and you might need your family to accommodate you during the period of transition. They can offer that support. But then trust me, your taste buds will come to be your friend, supporting your dairy-free journey.
On this point, I remember a comment we got after conducting a series of classes for the staff at a medical clinic. One participant was surprised that our dishes were so flavorful that she didn’t miss the cheese she habitually globbed onto almost all her dishes. I understand–I used to do the same thing. But when I could no longer rely on that easy flavor option, I discovered so many other wonderful ways to add that flavor, and gradually my taste buds came to favor them.
One Big Mindshift: Servant or Coordinator?
Over the years, I’ve listened to dozens of home cooks with food restrictions who must cook for more than themselves. If these are your circumstances, it is indeed challenging to meet your own health needs while keeping everyone else happy. The thoughts and strategies above might help you juggle these competing interest successfully. If not, you might consider how you view of your role as meal maker. Do you see yourself as coordinator, responsible for managing a cooperative approach to mealtimes, where there is give and take, assistance and help from all parties, so everyone’s needs can be met as much as possible? Or over the years has an unwritten arrangement developed, where you have gradually taken on the “mother” role, responsible for keeping everyone happy, even at the expense of your own health needs?
Looking back, I definitely took on the “mother” role, desirous of keeping everyone happy. But I set one life-saving boundary: Cooking was my joy and creative outlet, and maintaining my health was a priority. So I refused to become a short-order cook making different things for different tastes at my table. Further, I refused to give up my creativity, which is what kept me engaged and interested in meal making. I experimented wildly with foods, spices, cuisines and condiments. And you know what? No one ever complained! Instead, they quickly learned to love everything and our table became the place for exciting eating adventures.
Good luck working with your food restrictions, especially around dairy, and be sure to comment if you have some tips and tricks to share.
P.S. As for those cheese substitutes, here’s my advice: don’t bother. I found them to be a cure that’s worse than the disease.