Around January 19th, I saw a post notifying us that it was the “Official End of New Year’s Resolutions Day.” I call it the White Flag Day, the day we finally wave the white flag, throw in the towel and forget about our erstwhile resolutions that are barely three weeks old.
There’s nothing too new about this annual phenomenon when, experts tell us, up to 95% of our good intentions evaporate. Many of those resolutions relate to healthier eating which is why I’ve been thinking about White Flag Day.
The Setback Problem A recent article* attributed the evaporation problem to the setbacks that inevitably crop up with each day and week that passes after January 1. Psychologists call it, appropriately enough, the “setback effect.” Its root cause is the lack of confidence that arises from caving in to a temptation. Even just one setback convinces us that we lack the ability to make our resolutions come true, so we give up entirely!
The Solution: Confidence The solution lies in “bolstering our feelings of competence which makes us more resilient to failure.” A couple interesting ideas:
- Contextualize a Lapse Identifying the circumstances giving rise to a lapse helps us see how it likely reflects a one-time situational issue, rather than a general lack of character and capability. We don’t have to go down the self-defeating route of personal blame but can chalk it up to experience and try again.
- Remember Past Successes Sure you might have shorted yourself on vegetables one day, but for the previous three days, you did a great job getting in a healthy ration of veggies. Focusing on your wins bolsters a belief in your ability to get back on track.
- Plan Strategic Indulgences This one is described as “deliberately planning the occasional vice to inoculate against accidental relapses.” In other words, plan one morning to indulge in a doughnut or one lunch with friends at a favorite fast food place. We get confirmation in our ability to survive a “resolution detour” and get back in the saddle successfully.
- Have Compassion In our stoic culture there is a rising interest in balancing recognition of our missteps with a little self-compassion. Otherwise, “we assume it isn’t in our power to fix or change our problems because we believe they are inescapable parts of our character.” With a little kindness to ourselves (and maybe a little humor at our inescapable human-ness) we can overlook occasional resolution detours without waving the white flag and giving up entirely.
The Upstream Problem I was excited to share this interesting research, but writing about it led me to wonder whether a bigger part of the problem lies upstream, with our resolutions themselves. In other words, why aren’t our resolutions strong enough and meaningful enough and motivating enough to withstand the test of time?
- When we make resolutions, are we only saying what we think we should aspire to?
- Do we just make resolutions from force of habit, because everyone else is doing it and almost every article is talking about it?
- Are our resolutions things that would be nice but aren’t deep, forceful and passionate desires that we’ll fight for?
- Do we make resolutions half-thinking we’ll fail–just like we have every other year?
- Most importantly, do we think about the setbacks we’ll inevitably face?
A Serious Foundation This year, I thought and pondered and fussed and wrote and journaled, struggling over my resolutions for a full week. Although I wasn’t doing it full time, of course, I still berated myself for taking so long, wasting time, being indecisive, etc., etc.
Eventually I distilled things down to a page or two and read them over several times, making sure they captured what I really, really wanted — so much so that I will let other things go by the wayside if they get in the way.
Sure it took time, focus, energy and discipline, but those things are so underrated and easily disdained! Rarely do we acknowledge the upsides they deliver, in this case, a sense of direction and clarity that is tremendously energizing and helped me sail past White Flag Day!
The point is simply to question, do we need to take more time and be more serious about making resolutions in the first place, long before we get to the setbacks that arise after New Years Day?